Disaster
by EasternSunflower
Summary: "Is this how L felt? I'm sure he loved Watari, maybe not how I love Matt, but I'm sure he knew. He knew that he was sentencing himself and the one he loved to death." Mello's POV Slight MXM. Just our Mello and his thoughts about how his plans went.


**Author's Note= I swear, now every time I hear a song, I'm like "This song… It could be *Insert Death Note Character name here*" This song just seemed to scream Mello… Not sure why… Could just be me. The song is Disaster by Hawthorne Heights.**

Mello's POV

* * *

_How should I say,  
__That I never wanted anything to change,  
__If I rearrange,  
__The pieces of a broken down faith._

Why god, do you allow this to happen to me? I can't help but feel as though you have betrayed me. Father, I can no longer trust you.

But then who _can_ I trust?

_Do you believe in me?  
__Because I'm not sure,  
__I believe in anything… Anymore._

Why did this all go downhill? I mean I had to blow myself up, damnit! Why can't I do this? But I can't lose… I just can't.

_Pick up the pieces,  
__And make me understand,  
__Why we can't move any faster.  
__Losing all demand,  
__I've broken all my plans.  
__This year was a disaster._

It's not fair, Near has never lost. He always wins! Is it because he's better than me?

_What should I do?  
__When I never thought anything would come true.  
__The solution for the broken down abuse._

I never thought I'd get this far. But now that I'm here, I don't want to fail. I don't want everything to go to waste, especially since I've dragged Matt into this.

_I'm waiting for,  
__The fading floor,  
__To let me fall on through._

I'm going to die. I know that. I can only hope that I didn't sin too much. Ah, who am I kidding, I'm going straight to hell. It's only a matter of time.

_I'm getting closer to letting go,  
__Letting go of you._

It's only a matter of time before our time is over. Yes, our, Matt has said that if I go down, he'll already be waiting for me… I believe him.

_Pick up the pieces and,  
__Make me understand,  
__Why we can't move any faster._

He's tried, over and over. They all have, but I won't be swayed. I have a goal, even if it is impossible.

_Losing all demand,  
__I've broken all my plans.  
__This year was a disaster._

Yes, the goal, I have to focus on that. Even if it's taunting me, letting me know that I'll never succeed. Telling me I'm, a failure. But I can't help but think I'm not, it's what he says, and I just have to believe him.

_What you don't know,  
__Will only make this worse.  
__(I walked on the ledge.)_

He doesn't know how this will turn out. I do.

_What you don't know,  
__Will only make this worse.  
__(I saw the edge of my future)_

I'm going down. I can only hope he lives. But I know he won't.

_What you don't know,  
__Will only make this worse.  
__(Being held back by the past)_

I love him, I really do. So I can only hope that if he goes down, that he's not alone.

_What you don't know,  
__Will only make this worse._

I can only hope that it's painless, that he won't have time to regret his decision. Not like I am. Because it's torture knowing that you've sentenced the one you love to death. All for a stupid goal. One that means almost as much as the person you're sacrificing, which makes it all worse.

_Pick up the pieces and,  
__Make me understand,  
__Why we can't move any faster._

Well, he's gone. I can only hope that I go too now.

_Losing all demand,  
__I've broken all my plans.  
__This year was a disaster._

Is this how L felt? I'm sure he loved Watari, maybe not how I love Matt, but I'm sure he knew. He knew that he was sentencing himself and the one he loved to death. All to catch Kira. Which is why I can only hope that Near, who has no one he loves, can defeat him.

_Pick up the pieces and,  
__Make me understand,  
__Why we can't move any faster._

I know what Matt would say if he heard me now. He's probably grin and say something like, "Hey, at least you can be like L now, Mels."

And in essence, he's right. I now have everything I've ever wanted.

I'm like L, I know Kira will be caught, and I'll be with the one I love.

I just wish it all didn't happen because of a disaster that I caused.

_Losing all demand,  
__I've broken all my plans.  
__This year was a disaster._


End file.
